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| Just me and Towera's compadre,Giraffe on our usie flow,lol. :) |
In a world where fornication (to have sexual relations with someone one is not married to) seems like the order of the day for a 'normal' person,(and for years I myself fell right into this here category), even if you don't agree with me and think this type of thinking is backward or makes no sense, stay with me, hear me out till the end.
When it comes to love between a man and woman, I believe many times because we know no better, we open up the doors of our hearts to this kind of love too young, too early, even too immature ( Song of Songs 8:4) and also for the wrong reasons. In the processes we begin to leave trails of brokenness as we carry on with our lives that we may not even recognize and many times end of passing that on to our children and their children's children and contribute to the negative light of this topic in our society.
Unfortunately for us if we are not guided with the right foundation of love from the time we are kids, we take on the definition of 'love' as the world many times mislabel's it. All around us, it is on sale and we are consuming this wrong definition of it in crazy quantities .. This mislabelled love is in the movies we watch, the sensual music we listen to, the literature we are exposed to, the TV advertisements, in the lives of the people we look upto, our peers, it is everywhere directly and indirectly.. !
On top of that sex is being sold as part of the romance package!! It would seem to most of us that everyone is having a lot of it, for various reasons, all one has got to do is pick the one that sits well with their conscience. Being a virgin or staying pure and saving yourself for marriage is for the weak and totally uncool lot. Besides marriage has been given such a twisted ugly face - which goes right back to the broken foundations and mislabels.
I have come to the beautiful realization that the author of love is God. More than that - His very nature is Love. I also now know that I get my bearings for my life journey from Him and through His book, the Bible. This isn't simply a relic, it is as relevant today just as much as it will be forever because it is more than just mere words of wisdom. The Bible comes alive if you ask and allow the Holy Spirit to reveal the scripture to you, and you begin to understand it with your heart and what a journey and adventure that is! The Holy Spirit comes into your life when you get born again.
I've been born again (and single) for 1 year 6 months now, and up until I got born again from the first time I started dating, now better known to me as recreational dating (sometime in 2000), I had actually never been single as I now know it to be, and even when I wasn't in a 'dating commitment' so to speak all those years! It is astonishing when you finally come to realize the difference between what the world says vrs what God says about being single, about sexual purity, about His plans for marriage and so much more! I pray I can get my new understanding point across well enough to help you.
To begin I am just going to lay out the foundation of where I am at.
I find this article by Cornelius Lindsey titled The differences between courtship and recreational dating a good place to begin. Here is an excerpt from the article .
Notice some of the things we've adopted as if they actually come from the Bible. And before I list these things, I must tell you that the Bible doesn’t speak of the type of ‘dating’ we’ve adopted in our society.
DIFFERENCES IN MODERN DATING and BIBLICAL COURTSHIP
A. “Playing the field” vs. Commitment to one person
1. Modern dating advocates exploring your options to determine what it is you want in a mate.
2. Biblical courtship focuses on a goal where all emotional and physical intimacy is reserved for just one person, your spouse.
B. Alone time vs. Supervised time
1. Modern dating assumes all time spent with the relator should be done in private.
2. Biblical courtship advocates spending time where the two are supervised in group activities, family or with the church.
C. Deep connection vs. Real commitment
1. Modern dating assumes that you should know all there is to know about this person before making a commitment, marriage, or that you should know this person more deeply than you do anyone else in the world.
2. Biblical courtship believes that real commitment to the person precedes a high level of intimacy. This lessens the amount of your heart you give away to undeserving people.
D. Meeting my needs vs. Ministry and service to God
1. Modern dating assumes that the relator should ‘meet all my needs and desires.’ This is self-centered and not biblical.
2. Biblical courtship suggests that the relationship should be a ministry and service unto the glory of God. It has no foundation in self-gratification.
E. High intimacy vs. Low to no intimacy
1. Modern dating teaches that you should have a high level of emotional connection with the person, and you should assume that there will be some physical involvement, i.e. kissing, touching, sex, etc.
2. Biblical courtship teaches there is to be NO physical intimacy and very limited to no emotional intimacy outside of marriage.
F. Private decision vs. Spiritual accountability
1. Modern dating says that who I date and what I do when I date someone is my business.
2. Biblical courtship says that there is a level of spiritual accountability.
G. Finding vs. Being
1. Modern dating is all about ‘finding’ the right person for ‘me’.
2. Biblical courtship is all about ‘being’ the right person to serve my future spouse’s needs and being one who glorifies God in marriage.
H. Intimacy vs. Commitment
1. Modern dating puts intimacy before commitment.
2. Biblical courtship puts commitment before intimacy.
I. Act like we’re married vs. Really get married
1. Modern dating says that we should act like we’re already married. If we like it, it’s official. If we don’t, we will have a pre-divorce.
2. Biblical courtship says that Scripture guides us as to how to find a mate and marry. And, we are not to act like we are in a marriage-level commitment until the commitment truly exists before the Lord.
So in an attempt not to overload this article, I'd like to announce that we just began a " Single God's Way : What it's like for me " series - so look out for my next post next month which will have more of my story.
God Bless you.
Love, Ree.
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Ps: If you are ever in Nairobi and are looking for a church family to visit with, during your short or long stay. My church Eagle's Faith Christian Centre ( EFCC) would be privileged to host you! OR if you live in Nairobi and are looking for a church family or if you simply want to visit and send our love back to your home church family, get in touch with me for directions, or Get Directions Here !
