A year's worth reflection.....Tell me, what's in your hand ?

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Am I nervous about doing this or what!!! .... yeap, Ree gets nervous too ... But hey, here we go!!

Sooo.... this has been a long time coming  ( more like a year and some months ! )
One of my mentors, the founder of Communication for Development (C4D) Sanyu who happens to also be my sister and my young  mover and shaker friend Charles Mwakio one third of the founders of Hifadhi Africa  a super inspiring initiative that focuses on providing Education ,Health and Water for the people by the people of Africa, over a year ago, basically both shared with me that they thought I should be blogging - read sharing my thoughts on neutral on-line ground, as opposed to say, just my Facebook

Want to know what these opinions left me thinking then? Oh I had so many thoughts that were more or less in the line of -  Are they crazy? What are they talking about ? I really have nothing of value to say out there, what I share on my Facebook is basic stuff and just how I feel. Plus have you seen the blogs out there? No way do I have anything that can match up to that ! I could go on and on, but it basically all boils down to how little I believed in myself and my potential, and compared my 'nothingness' to other peoples 'perfect' stories.... a year and some months ago.

If you knew me a year ago ( counting back from the day this blog goes live), I am sure shy, not confident, scared, uncertain, and the like are not descriptions you could ever have put up next to my name. And the truth is, I am hardly ever any one of those things, from even when I was a kid. In a nutshell I was this happy person, in a more or less happy place, with genuine friendships. I was an above average student with good teacher-student relationships with a lot of my lecturers. I also had a very successful partying track record and my partying life at that point was still very vibrant and flourishing. I was loving, confident, easy going, very friendly, and more often than not a kind person. But is turns out, I actually did not know who I was ! And most importantly , where I was going!! How on earth was this possible ? We will get deeper into this some other time ...

So what changed you wonder? In real sense nothing and yet everything !! You are what you think. You are your thoughts. Your life is formed by the perspectives and philosophies you adopt.

Right now I am simply going to fast forward to 2 incidences that are easy to pin point and are a huge part of the reason there is a change in me , but by and large, this has happened over a period of time, has been an ongoing process that began even way before these incidences and maybe someday I will share this with you. Details into person I used to be, who I am now, and the person I am working to become.

My aha moment number 1 : Attending the USIU 2013 Career Fair. This was not my first attendance, I had volunteered as an usher in 2012 or was it in 2011? I forget, but it was the first one I purposed before hand to attend each and every talk. At that point I was simply looking for answers to curb my fear of the unknown future ( I was graduating that semester) . What I took home after those three days of careful listening, extensive note taking and deep reflection was that every single success story I knew did not begin as a success story and successful people were no different from me. They had fears, doubts, uncertainty, mistakes, even failures.. they were human! I was human! We had the exact same DNA !! All they did different was persist through the stormy weather. And if they could, why couldn't I !

My 2nd aha moment ... falling in love with Jesus( my lifeline) and finally realising that I can't do this life business without Him. That nothing and no person on earth could ever fully satisfy me. That people cannot rely on people 100%. We are human. We are not perfect, in fact we are so so very far from it. And that health and possessions, whether I be a rich man or a poor man are not guaranteed. I can lose both in an instant or if I don't get that unlucky, guess what, I leave it all here when I die, bringing me to my last point. The only guarantee, the only sure thing we have on earth is death. That someday I am going to die or the people I love will pass away. So what is the point of this thing called life right?  A lot of wonderful reasons, and I say this with a genuine smile on my face as I type this. But that is also a story for another day.

As I begin to conclude, I want to bring us back to my very first paragraph and share the reason I mentioned Charles and Sanyu. I did this because their decisions to choose to share with me what they thought and believed they saw in me, even when I was nowhere close to seeing myself in this respect, helped in the moulding and shaping of the me I am right now. For the record, there are so so many wonderful people in my life that have spoken and continue to speak wonderful things into my life and I could never say thank you enough, I am more than blessed with the support system I have.This also includes my Church of about two years now, Eagles Faith Christian Centre . Words and thoughts have so much power, whether we speak and think them about ourselves or about other people.

Ever heard of the Bible story where Moses, the stammering Shepard had a one on one with God where He was asking Moses to go on the great mission of freeing the people of Israel from their ruthless rulers. Moses was full of all these excuses and telling God how unqualified He was for this great job then God asked him "What is that in your hand?" ( Exodus 4:2). He replied saying a staff (some versions say a rod). And it was with this same staff, with the help of God that Moses went on to perform many great miracles, including dividing the Red Sea! I was totally paraphrasing, check out the book of Exodus to get the real story.

What's in my hand ? My mouth !!! Literally! LOL. But I am being serious. I talk, I love to talk. I have nicknames in my native languages since I was a kid that label me talkative. I meet new people and once I am comfortable enough to be myself around them (which is usually almost immediately, ha ha) next thing I hear is them mentioning how talkative I am. I cant even count the number of times I denied this or sometimes got offended or thought something was wrong with me when when family or old or new friends alike kept using this as a distinct description of me.
I am also passionate about things that interest me or rub me the right way and it goes without saying I will talk about it. I can get my friends and family to try out a certain product or going to check this or that out because of how I described my wonderful experience.
I also love to encourage people. Or is it that by default I find myself always with positive messages to share and that friends and family find it easy come to me when they need a pick me up.

See, nothing has really changed, I have just began to become aware of who I am which is who I have always been. And with self awareness comes purpose and direction. And I give God all the glory.

I have been a victim of the wrong words and the wrong thoughts but I have also been on the victorious side of positive words and thoughts, and now I realise that If I can do something with my experience and journey that can positively influence another persons life, then I better get to it, stat !

So I ask you ... What is in your hand?

If you are already on your journey towards your goals and dreams, I am more than happy and thrilled for you. I just want to remind you to remember to speak positive words into the people that are a part of or that simply cross your life's path. What you think of them and what you believe they are. Just imagine how wonderful it would be if all people worked at empowering all people.

If you started your journey and got discouraged along the way because of losses or setbacks, am telling you can start again. You can begin again. I love the quote that says " you are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream "

And if you are like who I was a year ago, uncertain, unsure, doubtful of yourself, I am here to tell you that God's given you all the tools you need to find and achieve your purpose. What you have is enough to start. Figure out what you can do with what you know how to do.

Most of us use what we can't do to keep us from doing what we can do.

Don't let this be you. Remember the only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday. This is your story, This is your life. Stop comparing it to another's. God made it so that you are the Author of your life and your story.

Do I still feel scared? For sure. A lot of times yes this feeling does come over me and I have to work the extra mile to shut it up. And it is crazy because now more than ever my future has never been as uncertain as it is right now. I am also still so far away from all the things I am planning, hoping and working towards but this is all fine! Despite the uncertainty or the fears, I have decided to get off my tail and stop with the excuses and begin. The pieces of the puzzle will come together as long as I am moving forward.

Like Zig Ziglar once said : You don't have to be great to great to start, but you have to start to be great.

When you change , everything changes for you.

Rest easy on this promise from Jeremiah 29:11. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

See you next month !

Love, Ree.

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Ps: If you are ever in Nairobi and are looking for a church family to visit with, during your short or long stay. My church Eagle's Faith Christian Centre ( EFCC) would be privileged to host you! OR if you live in Nairobi and are looking for a church family or if you simply want to visit and send our love back to your home church family, get in touch with me for directions, or Get Directions Here  !

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